I had a work happy hour last night, which ended up turning into happy-many-hours. Then, in my infinite wisdom, I decided on the way home to stop off at the bodega and buy more beer. That followed with me bolting awake before my alarm, only seeing the ":27" at the end, hoping and praying that the first number was a 5, only for it to be a 6 after all. Bugger.
Why am I telling you this? Because that is as apt of a description as any for the 90 minutes of zombie-shambling shite that I just witnessed.
I get it, neither us nor them really wanted anything to do with this. They're trying to win the second division, and as for us, after two times of winning this thing, it's all starting to feel like we're repeating the 12th grade, doesn't it? We're all at the point where we want to see what that "university" lark is all about.
Danny Welbeck started his first game of the season for us, and there were also starts for Alex Iwobi, both reserve fullbacks and David Ospina in goal. On their side, they started a partially-formed fetus at right back - seriously, I have t-shirts older than that kid. More importantly, they started backup keeper Eldin Jakupovic in place of the truly horrendous Allan McGregor. What a decision that turned out to be for Mrs. Doubtfire on the Hull bench.
Anyway, there was always going to be a karmic redress to deal with in the wake of last week's heroics against Leicester City, wasn't there? We had a few chances on the day (more on that in a bit), but for the most part that was mechanical, tedious and pointless with no end product. It was like watching a bored, loveless suburban couple have their scheduled twice-yearly shag.
The "Credit Where it's Due" department would like to pass on that Theo Walcott had a pretty good game, full of energy and running in direct opposition to, well, everyone else on the pitch. Also, and have a look up in the sky for passing squadrons of pigs, Mike Dean had a fine effort himself. He even booked one of theirs for diving, when normally he'd look for any opportunity to slip the shiv in our ribs. Lambs lying down with lions, and all that.
For their part, Hull offered absolutely nothing. They sat in the proverbial two banks of four, which at times felt like five banks of 80. It was like trying to navigate a Best Buy on Black Friday.
The story, really, was Jakupovic being possessed by the spirit of Lev Yashin. I mean, what is it about Switzerland that has turned them into something of a goalkeeper factory? You know Diego Benaglio and Yann Sommer if you know your football, and that Marwin Hitz guy is doing well at Augsburg. But, I can't say I expected much from a keeper who hasn't displaced That Shit Former Rangers Guy.for a second-division team.
However, there he was, flashing out a leg to deny Theo. There he was again, flinging himself into the bottom corner to claw one out. Worst of all, there he was, reacting to a deflection to deny Theo again. Didn't he get the memo that no one wanted a replay here?
Arsene threw on Alexis Sanchez, Olivier Giroud and Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, but nothing came off. I can't even say the players didn't try - the effort levels were there, but Hull defended well and otherwise there was a general malaise hanging over the proceedings. Alexis in particular needs a bit of WD-40, definitely some rusty creaking gears there. Don't worry, you watch him have a stormer next weekend.
Speaking of, Manchester United away is going to be quite the interesting one. Wouldn't it be just the Arsenal thing to do to be the first team to lose to that lot since the Dark Ages? It's bad enough that we got zero points out of the worst Chelsea team in living memory...if we don't take six off that collection of overrated dipshits, we don't deserve to win a blessed thing.
As for this, the whole game has already gone down the memory hole. I have no idea when the replay might be, but I'd be perfectly fine if we sent out guys with squad numbers too big to fit on the back of the shirt. Pi would do me just fine, thanks. I love this competition and all, but this season should be about bigger and better things.
Man of the Match: The bacon egg and cheese I purchased on the way home. No? OK, fine, Hull's keeper