Greetings and salutations to all of my fellow Gooners (and an enthusiastic "Meh" to everyone else). As we approach this weekend's North London Derby, I have been feeling three emotions in my heart: Hate, Hatred, and Hatreditudenessity, and all of it is directed one way. Toward the eleven sisters from the Seven Sisters Road and their twitchy-ass git of a manager.

That's right, it's time again for the North London Derby. As an Arsenal supporter, we obviously have bigger rivals to be concerned with (Chelsea, Man Ure, Man Shitty, the scousers) in the long run, and obviously Tottenham Hotspur have rivals closer to their level (Burnley, Leeds Utd, Scunthorpe) that they have to worry about besting. But when it comes to pure, all-out HATE between two clubs and their fans, few rivalries in sports are as intense as that between Arsenal and the scum.

Now before I begin to fully indulge my hate, I feel it necessary to congratulate the Arsenal lads on their victory over Liverpool's largely A-squad (minus Gerrard and Torres) in the Carling Cup. There were a few senior squad members in the team (Eduardo, Bendtner and Nasri the most notable inclusions), but for the most part this was a regular League Cup team (meaning all reserves and youngsters) that Arsenal fielded. And credit must be given to Liverpool for actually playing attacking football with us, as few teams dare to do at the Emirates. While it may have contributed to their demise, it was an incredibly exciting match that really could have gone either way. The goals were fantastic, all three: Merida hitting a scorcher in at the near post from the right-side edge of the box, Insua hitting a lovely shot from outside the left side of the box that dipped over Fabianski to equalize, and a great effort and finish by Bendtner in the box (one of the few things the Big Dane did well all game, in my opinion). That 2-1 lead held in spite of Liverpool subbing on Benayoun and Aquilani, and although there were several chances for the Scousers to take the lead in the last 10 minutes or so, they were unable to make the most of them.

So, the Arsenal kids roll on in the Carling Cup, congrats to Arsene and the boys. Good to see Cesc andsome of the senior squad members there to support the lads as well. Now, back to hatefest 2009.

The last time we hosted the scum from the Lane at the Emirates, the result was a 4--4 draw. For Arsenal fans, who watched the team blow a 2-goal lead from 4-2 up, this felt as bad as losing 14-0 to any other team. Obviously it's bad enough to choke away a 2-goal advantage to any team (see last Saturday vs. West Ham), but that is compounded tenfold when it happens against the spurs. In the away leg, Eboue had a massive brain malfunction and was sent off for a second yellow early in the first half, and the team was forced to just hang on for a scoreless draw.

Let's allow that to sink in a bit. Arsenal did not defeat Tottenham last season. At all.

This is unacceptable. And it will change starting tomorrow.

As is usual, the Totts have been doing a good deal of talking. Which makes sense, seeing as they never seem to do their talking on the pitch. The first quote comes from Robbie Keane:

"If you look at the last four or five years, for some reason Arsenal always got ahead of us slightly," said the Irishman. "But if you look now, it's certainly even. And if you look at the squads, the bench that we have is probably a little bit stronger than their bench."

It seems obvious that this particular pikey has been stealing and sniffing a bit too much glue. Let's compare Spurs bench in their loss to Stoke: Michael Dawson, Jermaine Jenas, Roman Pavlyuchenko, Alan Hutton, Carlo Cudicini, Gareth Bale, Kyle Naughton, with Arsenal's bench vs. West Ham: Nicklas Bendtner, Eduardo, Manuel Almunia, Mikael Silvestre, Samir Nasri, Aaron Ramsey, Kieran Gibbs. Arsenal have 4 first choice internationals (Eduardo, Nasri, Bendtner, Ramsey), Silvestre was at one point, and Gibbs looks sure to be one soon. Whereas Spurs' bench features one (Pavlyuchenko). Now, I won't say Keane knows nothing about benches, having spent a long time on one at Liverpool, but he's surely mistaken. But then, Keane's made some mistakes before...

Another quote came from Spurs giraffe on ice skates, Peter Crouch: "[A]s West Ham proved, you can come back and you can score goals against them. Hopefully we'll be tight at the back and get a good result." Oh, Crotchie... sigh. I won't sit here and try to say Arsenal haven't leaked goals this season. It's fairly obvious we have. But there are two things favoring our not conceding: 1) The goal is not 50 meters high nor is it 30 yards wide; and 2) Peter Crouch will be playing striker for Spurs. In fact, here is a collection of things Peter Crouch does better than playing football.

Finally, Droopy Dog himself chimed in: "They play fantastic football but so do we. We have a squad here capable of matching anyone so we will be going there to win the game, absolutely. We always go for it and we only know one way to play."

To which I can only reply: "Yes. You only know how to play like shit."

Adebuywhore also had something to say, but my policy on TMG is not to pay him any attention. He's just acting out because he was unloved. But we have a certain diminutive Russian, so Ade knows just where he can go.

No Celeb Pick 'Em today, so I'm afraid you're stuck with me, and with little explanation, if any, here are the picks:

Bolton v Chelsea - PREDICTION: Bolton 1-2 Chelsea
Chavs go back to needing late winners versus shit teams, but still get 3 points.

Burnley v Hull City - PREDICTION: Burnley 2-1 Hull City
Hull continue their march to relegation, and the Burnley fans get a rare win to celebrate.

Everton v Aston Villa
- PREDICTION: Everton 1-3 Aston Villa
Will the Real Everton please stand up?

Fulham v Liverpool - PREDICTION: Fulham 1-1 Liverpool
Scousers go from out of contention, to right back in it, to right back out.

Portsmouth v Wigan
- PREDICTION: Portsmouth 0-2 Wigan
God DAMN do Pompey suck!

Stoke City v Wolves - PREDICTION: Stoke 1-0 Wolves
God DAMN is Mick McCarthy a shitty manager!

Sunderland v West Ham - PREDICTION: Sunderland 2-1 West Ham
Black Cats get back on the winning page with a hard-fought home win over the Hammers.

Man Utd v Blackburn - PREDICTION: Man Utd 4-1 Blackburn
United are pissed off after losing to Liverpool. Rovers are the unfortunate (or if you hate Allardyce like I hate Allardyce, the perfect) recipients of United's pissed-offedness.

Birmingham v Man City - PREDICTION: Birmingham 1-3 Man City
Man Shitty get rolling, but lose Adebayor pre-match to an unexplained rectal injury. Later it turns out to have been inflicted by Ashley Cole and Jermaine Jenas, but no charges are filed.

Which brings me to the reason I'll be getting up extra early on a Saturday, Arsenal v the scum. I feel nothing but disdain for this club, their manager, and their shit support. I'll be shocked if more than 3 of them brave Nevadas tomorrow, and being that they're Spurs, you won't hear a peep from them.

As for the match itself, despite what Robbie "crackhead travelling gypsy" Keane has to say, Arsenal are the better side. Where they have Keane, we have Van Persie. Where they have Defoe, we have Arshavin. Where they have Ledley King, we have Vermaelen. There isn't one position on the pitch where we don't outshine their shit, and it doesn't matter whether Almunia or Mannone starts in goal, either is preferable to Heurelho Fucking Gomes or Cudicini. Where they have shit support, we have a Red Army. And let's not forget the managers.

The bottom line is, for all their talk, Tottenham have always been a small club. They're the Premier League's great underachievers, and their deluded fans always seem to think that each season will be the season they top Arsenal. And every season, St. Totteringham's Day comes and goes, sometimes with an extra helping of Lasagna. And this season won't be any different. Spurs may be tied with on on points, but they'll never be our equals in class or in football, and tomorrow, we'll show them why, once again. We can't shut them up forever, but we can make sure they have no reason to release another DVD commemorating a draw. The Cannon will fire tomorrow, and the Cockerall will lose its head.

Arsenal 86-0 Scum.

I have nothing more to say about it. If all ye Gooners aren't yet ready to run through a goddamned brick wall to see this match, then I can't help you. THIS IS WHAT FOOTBALL IS ABOUT. Tomorrow. Ninety minutes. Singing and shouting.

We are the Arsenal.

- B, a Gooner.