Weekend Preview: What the Hell Do I Have to Write About?

Ugh... This is bound to be a shorter entry for a few reasons. Primarily, I'm off work today, so I'm naturally less likely to want to actually accomplish anything. And secondly, this is supposed to be the Weekend Preview... what the hell is there to preview? There's no football happening, unless you count the internationals, or throwball (American football), and neither of those truly makes makes up, in my mind, for no Arsenal. I'm sure many of you feel the same when it comes to Chelsea or Liverpool or Fulham, etc. Even though I personally feel that each of those teams (with the possible exception of Fulham) are individually wrapped packages of cuntitude.

So what've we got to speak on? Well, we've just got beyond the deadest transfer window I can remember. Nobody really went anywhere on deadline day, did they? Not unless you count Hull City signing former Celtic striker Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink of Anaheim, who has the most complicated name since Sylvan Ebanks-Blakes-Rodham-Clinton. It seems to me that Hull are dead-set on signing every mediocre striker available, so I'm sure we'll see them making offers in January for the likes of Bobby Zamora. Oh wait... well, then let's say they'll make another offer for Bobby Zamora.

UEFA have gone ahead with their decision to enforce a two-match ban for Eduardo over his dive, discovered after the fact on video review. UEFA dismissed Arsenal's evidence when presented and leveled an unprecedented ban on a player, using video evidence. Technically, Eduardo is being charged with "Intent to deceive the referee," which covers more than merely diving. This can include acts like pulling on a player's shirt to slow them down, the patented Alan Shearer-Kevin Davies elbow swings, and anything that would intentionally make the ref look this goofy. It really is ridiculous when you hear things like "UEFA has decided not to apply the 'Eduardo' standard to all cases," which is no less than I expected. As I've said, I don't think a single Arsenal player or fan would feel too upset if the Eduardo decision was at least applied to all obvious dives going forward. But as I expected, this whole thing has been a media-fueled debacle, hijacked by the likes of Platini, whose battle to lower the level of English clubs and keep them out of the Champions League is well-documented. It's beyond me how this curly-headed f*ck can rage against English clubs for operating at stratospheric debt levels (which does not include Arsenal, I have to add) but then wait until after Madrid have finished spending far more money than they actually have to level criticism against that policy. Maybe he just really likes Ronaldo. The bottom line is, I can't respect anyone who refers to Roman Abramovich as a "good football person." Twat.

Finally, on a related note, let's all laugh at Chelsea. FIFA have handed down a ban on the Chavs registering new players for the next two transfer windows, so no new players in January this season, nor in the summer following the season. If it sticks, it will mean that Chelsea, a club where the majority of its key players are on the wrong side of 30, will be unable to bring in any new faces. Suddenly my cracks about the number of broken hips in the Chelski squad aren't so funny? No, wait, they're actually hilarious now. Chelsea will be forced to rely on their youth program, which consists of waiting for other teams to train up players and then throwing a boatload of cash at them. Which can only mean further bans. Which could keep Chelsea out of the transfer market indefinitely, which means it's only a short while before they field a squad entirely of criminals out of desperation. Which means the Chavs are in deep shit. And that makes me smile. Of course the whole thing will be overturned on appeal, but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts.

So once again, we're staring into the abyss that is the Interlull (patented by Arseblogger). If you're like me, you'll put on a brave face, and try to go on with life, saying that there are other things that matter, like family and friends and your health. Don't lie. You'll be crawling the walls, scouring the intarwebs for something, anything to give you your football fix. It will be maddening. But we're gonna make it through this. And for Arsenal, we come right out of the international hell to face Mancuntster Cunty and their squad of mercenaries like Lescunt, Cuntbinho, Tevcuntez, and Craig Bellamy. Not to mention Cuntebaycuntor. And it's a chance at redemption after the loss we suffered there. It's also a chance for Tom Vermaelen, the Belgianator, to put Cuntebaycuntor on his lazy ass. And that's a good thing.

Keep the faith, and, until next time, you stay classy, Gooner nation.
- B, a Gooner