I do love how much there is going on right now. The lazy half of me almost wishes it weren't so, but all I have to do is look at the barren landscape of the looming INTERLULL (patented to Arseblog) to feel good about it all.
First things first, Arsenal finished off Celtic at the Emirates Wednesday to qualify for the group stages of the Champions League. So let's first discuss the 800-lb Crozilian gorilla in the room. In the 27th minute of the contest, Eduardo had the ball in the box and was closing on goal when Celtic 'keeper and known madman Artur Boruc TOOK HIM OUT. At least that's what we all thought until the miracle of super-slow-motion revealed there to be minimal contact made at all, if any. In short, Eddie took a Ronaldo. The referee pointed to the spot, Eduardo converted himself, and Arsenal had a 1-0 lead, 3-0 on aggregate.
I'll not sugar-coat it, I'm very disappointed in the man. He's a brilliant player, obviously fantastically skilled, and I'll repeat what I've thought for the longest time, that he is the best pure finisher in England. That does not excuse diving here. There isn't any reason for it, and I do offer an apology to fans of Glasgow Celtic for the way it went down. It wasn't right, and I condemn it from an Arsenal player just as much as when opposing players dive. It has no place in the sport (thanks Italy!), and needs to be stamped out. To that effect, I was glad that Arseblogger mentioned the notion of retroactive punishment for unpunished diving, thuggery, and the like. We have the technology, it's overdue.
With all that said, I've seen worse dives (I was certainly fooled when I saw it happen), and dives that had much greater impact on games (Rooney's dive that accounted for the first defeat for Arsenal's Invincibles, Kuyt in the ECC Quarterfinals 2 seasons ago). Could it truthfully be said that this particular penalty changed the fact that this Celtic team could mount no sustained attack in the first leg, nor in the second despite having more pressing need to do so? No. Celtic had a total of 2 shots on goal over both legs, the second being Celtic's late consolation goal yesterday. Arsenal still scored two more goals, so would still have won match and the tie itself without the penalty. That's all I'll say on the subject.
The second goal was a lovely bit of skill from the man we love to cheer and boo in equal measure, Emmanuel Eboue, followed by a religious sort of celebration, which earned him a yellow card. I don't quite understand it... I don't share Eboue's beliefs, but far be it from me to caution a guy for expressing himself. On top of that, how long has he been wearing that undershirt before he got to unveil it? I hope he washed it...
Later on, Arsenal brought on Arshavin and Wilshere and it took the Russian rockstar 90 seconds on the pitch to score. Played into the box by Ramsey, not Jack as I had initially thought, Andrey managed to create space with nifty spin move and finish neatly lower left past Boruc. Great goal.
Celtic did get one back late on, but the damage had been done. 3-1 to the Arsenal, 5-1 aggregate against a Celtic side who acquitted themselves well in my opinion, despite the scoreline. And Aaron McGeady certainly looked quite the player; he's got quite a career ahead of him. Platini is continuing his crusade to destroy football in England, talking about instituting a retroactive 2-match ban for Eddie, which is fine if it's instituted across the board. But per my man in London, Gareth: "One rule for us, one for everyone else as ever." There is an injury to Ramsey, who came off during the second half. No word yet on the severity, but it looks like one more midfielder unavailable for the Arsenal this weekend. One who may be back this weekend is Tomas "Who? Oh yeah, I remember him" Rosicky. I say play him, if only to prove that he's not this fragile.
Manchester United fans are up in arms about the Champions League draw that went down yesterday, to which I have one reply. Yes, the Gunners got a fairly easy draw, while United got Barcelona, Inter and Bayern Munich. Oh, wait, my mistake, they got Besiktas, CSKA Moscow, and Wolfsburg. Pardon my mistake, the quality of those three are so high its difficult not to think of them among the biggest clubs in Europe. Whinging Manc c*nts. Arsenal did get a favorable draw, but each team has its potential pitfalls: AZ Alkmaar (Dutch champions), Olympiacos (crazy fans may or may not attempt to blow up team bus), and Standard Liege (may be bored to death in Belgium). Either way, is anyone expecting either Man Ure or Arsenal NOT to advance? I'm willing to bet a paycheck right now that they both go through. Full group tables can be found here, and there are more than one nasty group in there, although Group G also looks pretty easy. United fans are claiming the drawing was rigged, as they're not the only club with a cake group, but that's the sort of reaction you'd expect from people who drink paint thinner because whiskey doesn't have enough kick.
Plenty of Premiere League action this weekend, including the first Big 4 matchup this season. I have programmed my robot, AWESOME-O 5000 to make enhanced picks this week, so let's hear what tin man has to say. AWESOME-O?
CHELSEA V BURNLEY
CHELSEA WILL FALL VICTIM TO THE BURNLEY CURSE, WHICH CAUSES BIG CLUBS TO FALL TO BURNLEY. THIS IS NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE CURSE OF BURNLEY, WHICH CAUSES PEOPLE TO LIVE IN BURNLEY.
PREDICTION: CHELSEA 0-1 BURNLEY
BLACKBURN V WEST HAM
BLACKBURN WILL BE UNABLE TO FIELD A FULL SQUAD AFTER THE ENTIRE STARTING XI ARE STABBED BY AWAY SUPPORTERS.
PREDICTION: BLACKBURN 0-5 WEST HAM
BOLTON V LIVERPOOL
PREDICTION ACHIEVED VIA MATHEMATIC FORMULA: BOLTON SUCK > LIVERPOOL.
PREDICTION: BOLTON 0-2 LIVERPOOL
STOKE CITY V SUNDERLAND
RED-WHITE STRIPE TEAM = RED-WHITE STRIPE TEAM.
PREDICTION: STOKE CITY 1-1 SUNDERLAND
TOTTENHAM V BIRMINGHAM
ROBOTS DO NOT FEEL PAIN, PITY, REMORSE. ROBOTS STILL HATE TOTTENHAM.
PREDICTION: TOTTENHAM 2-2 BIRMINGHAM
WOLVES V HULL CITY
RANDOM ANIMAL GENERATOR PLACED WOLF AND TIGER TOGETHER IN BATTLE SIMULATION. WOLF EVISCERATED BY JOZY ALTIDORE.
PREDICTION: WOLVES 1-2 HULL CITY
PORTSMOUTH V MAN CITY
PORTSMOUTH $ < ABU DHABY $. PORTSMOUTH = TERRIBLE.
PREDICTION: PORTSMOUTH 0-2 MAN CITY ARAB EMIRATES
EVERTON V WIGAN
EVERTON - JOLEON LESCOTT - JOLEON LESCOTT'S HAIRLINE + PISSED OFF BLUE SCOUSER FANS AND PLAYERS = OPEN CAN OF WHOOP-ASS. WIGAN = IN DEEP SHIT.
PREDICTION: EVERTON 3-1 WIGAN
ASTON VILLA V FULHAM
INEPT VILLA OFFENSE + LAX FULHAM DEFENDING = TERRIBLE MATCH.
PREDICTION: ASTON VILLA 1-1 FULHAM
Thank you AWESOME-O 5000. He's easily the most passionate robot I've ever met. He's actually a Sheffield United supporter. He may return in recent weeks, when he can get time off from his day job as a caregiver.
And the there's the big one this weekend. I'm referring, of course, to Arsenal's visit to the hellhole inhabited by Manchester United and their monkeyc*nt supporters. It's looking as though Cesc will miss this one due to a hamstring injury. This of course won't prevent him from being called up for international duty by Spain just in time to aggravate the injury and be out until the next round of pointless internationals of course. Those wily Spaniards... they're like miniature Buddhas... so wise.
But just so we don't have any Gooners running to jump out open windows, it's NOT THAT BAD... but don't take my advice, just listen to Paul Rudd. Song and Denilson are both fit, and I would assume we'll see Diaby come in for Cesc, given the injury to Brother Ramsey. The back four have looked more than solid, especially the central pairing of Gallas and Vermaelen, who have played perfectly off of each other. Sagna and Clichy will be available to my knowledge, and I would expect a front three of Arshavin, Van Persie and Bendtner, if only because a) Eduardo, for all of his skill, is still coming back from a severely nasty injury, b) because Bendtner is a bigger and stronger player, and did well against United when he played up front against them last season, and c) Eduardo will be treated mercilessly by Old Trafford's retarded faithful. We all know Arsene likes to protect his players, although I do expect to see the Crozilian at some point. We may even see Eboue, on to add a more defensive presence along the right. But I'm not trying to play Fantasy Wenger here, it's all speculation til Le Boss says what's what.
I will say that despite Cesc's absence, I'm more confident about this match than about any away match to Old Trafford in recent memory. Obviously I'd be over the moon if Cesc were fit and ready to go, but we can cope without the captain, and United's form has not been great this season. Barring the pile of late goals they scored against Wigan, this team had previously scored just one goal in 2.5 league matches. It remains to be seen whether they'll be able to get by our defense more than we can get by theirs (especially since Rio and Van Der Sex are missing), but what I would expect is a lot of this from Tom Vermaelen. Except it will be in Belgian-ese. Which is still easier to comprehend than whatever sound groupings Mancs try to pass off as a language. It certainly isn't English.
AWESOME-O advises me not to fuck around with Fate, so my prediction, as you might have guessed, is Manchester United 2-2 Arsenal
One quick word before we part: the violence that erupted outside Upton Park before, during and after the West Ham v Millwall match, while foreseeable, was deplorable. Hooliganism is a dark chapter in the history of English football, and in history should it remain. I feel for the supporters who were injured while trying to avoid the fighting. Anyone injured while participating got precisely what they deserved. And, while it's never acceptable to rig a drawing, it'd be nice to see some measures taken to prevent these two sides from ever meeting again. This is the real world, not Green Street Hooligans. Somewhere, Elijah Wood is watching the footage of the chaos and silently shitting himself.
That's all I have for now, peeps. Join me on Monday when I'll attempt to recap the action while battling a crippling hangover suffered while celebrating with too many booze-filled booze drinks. Until then, you stay classy, Gooner nation...
- B, a Gooner.
